Levi's Spring Break
by Seryan Parks
Summary: I present to you Levi's Spring Break, or: F*ck Everything And Especially F*ck Spring Break: Levi's Story.


I present to you Levi's Spring Break, or: F*ck Everything And Especially F*ck Spring Break: Levi's Story. Rated T because Levi drops more f-bombs than Aldo the Apache.

* * *

Chapter One: Monday

Thump. "Levi, wake up."

Thump, thump. "Levi, wake the fuck up."

"Hnn," the sleeping man growled. "Six inna mornin. Lemme sleep."

Petra whacked him with a pillow one more time. "It's seven, and this is the first day of spring break. Remember?"

Now that Petra mentioned it, Levi did indeed remember. They (read: everyone except Levi) had planned and agreed (again, without Levi's input) to spend the first day of their spring break in Dayton, Ohio, to visit the Air Force museum that was located there. "Ah, fuck."

Petra thumped the pillow against Levi's head once more for good measure. "It's seven oh nine. Get up." With that, she left Levi's room, but flipped the light on and did not close the door.

Levi would have slept despite this if he had not felt twenty tiny pinpricks in his legs and heard rough purring. It was Levi Jr., the kitten Hanji had found on the side of the road and adopted. "It's tiny and has black fur, just like you, Levi!" she had exclaimed.

Levi Jr. made his way up his namesake's body and came to a stop on his chest, staring at Levi with bright blue eyes. Blue as… as a blue thing, Levi thought sleepily. Levi Jr. purred and began to lick the bigger man's chin. Levi knew what was coming, but he wasn't fast enough to lift the kitten off him before the demon in fluff bit his chin. Hard.

"FUCK A DUCK!"

* * *

It was seven fifteen, and Levi still had not moved from his warm, cozy bed, although he was sitting up and rubbing Levi Jr's round little kitten belly. He was still a demon, but a fluffy demon. The belly rub was interrupted by Erwin entering Levi's room.

This was not okay with Levi. Petra could come into his room, but only with permission (and when she had to violently wake him up). Usually no one else attempted to invade the volatile man's space. Usually.

"Come on, Levi!" Erwin was entirely too chipper this morning. This pissed Levi off. It also pissed Levi off that Erwin was standing in his doorway in all his blond glory, wearing those stupid faded jeans and the Captain America t-shirt Hanji had gotten him for Christmas. Mostly Erwin pissed Levi off.

"If you dare to say…" Levi began, just as Erwin proclaimed "Up and at 'em!" Levi pantomined shooting himself in the head and falling over, tongue hanging out. It was childish, but Levi felt that he was entitled to be a child sometimes. Erwin sighed. "Levi, I'm afraid you leave me no choice."

Levi pulled his tongue back in to reply, "Let's play a game. It's called 'Guess How Many Fucks I Give.' Here's a hint: it's zero."

Erwin finally left Levi's bubble, but in a moment later music came blaring from the speakers in the living room. "Oppan Gangnam Style!" Levi groaned. He hated K-pop. And right now, he hated Erwin. "Fine, fine, fine! I'm getting up! Just turn that stupid song off!"

There was a pause, and Gangnam Style went silent, only to be replaced by one of Hanji's favorite bands, who Levi knew from unfortunate experience to be Girl's Generation, another K-pop band. Stupid flatmates. Stupid Ohio. Stupid spring break.

* * *

Levi pulled on his impeccably white socks, and then tugged on his favorite jeans. They were old and had bleach stains from a very unfortunate experience with the laundry when he, Petra, Hanji, Erwin, Mike, Eld, Auruo, and Gunther began renting a suburban house together not too far from the university. They were still his favorite jeans, and simply reminded Levi to do his own laundry rather than trusting Mike with it.

He was torn between his two favorite t-shirts, but ultimately went with the Game of Thrones shirt that depicted Tyion smacking Joffery and read, "And now I struck a king. Did my hand fall from my wrist?" He liked this shirt mainly because no one else in the house watched Game of Thrones, and therefore they could not understand the significance, and because Levi related to Tyrion on a spiritual level.

Levi finally emerged from his room, Levi Jr riding on his shoulder. The small cat liked to sit on shoulders, and would climb up legs and torsos to reach them. The short man and his furry passenger barged into one of the house's three bathrooms, where Petra was straightening her already straight hair and Mike was shaving.

Levi deposited the kitten on Mike's head and grabbed a hairbrush that was clearly labeled LEVI. That was all the warning anyone needed to keep well away from it. Levi tugged the brush through his hair while watching Mike in the mirror. He didn't even seem to notice Levi Jr. clinging to his head, and walked out of the bathroom with a furry hat.

"It's about time you got up," Petra commented.

"Tch." Levi rebuffed her attempt at conversation. It was still way to early in the damn morning for this bullshit.

Petra rolled her eyes and went back to singing along with the music still blaring from the living room, having moved on from Girl's Generation to Super Junior.

* * *

Levi pacified himself by stealing the last packet of Erwin's Oreo-flavored Pop Tarts. If he was going to be dragged to Ohio by his flatmates, then he was damn well going to amuse himself at their expense. He was pouring himself a glass of orange juice when there was a series of knocks at the door. The knocks surprised him, and he spilled a little orange juice on the counter. "Dammit."

"Someone get that!" Petra called from the bathroom. Robbie, Hanji's Lab mix, barked from the basement, also demanding that someone answer the door. In the kitchen, Levi was closest, so he opened the door.

"Hi, Levi!" Eren greeted.

Levi slammed the door.

"IS THAT EREN?" Hanji screeched from the basement.

"No!" Levi hollered back. "No, no, no!"

Levi heard Hanji thundering up the steps. The house they rented had one story and a basement, with one bathroom in the basement and two more upstairs. Hanji had apparently been using the shower in the basement, because when she shoved Levi out of the way and flung open the door, her hair was dripping wet and she was wearing only a towel with ducks on it. Robbie also clambered up the stairs behind her, barking.

"Hi, Eren!" Hanji shouted. "Thanks for coming! Sorry about Levi!"

"No problem." Eren, to his credit, was unfazed by the sight of Hanji in a towel. Robbie burst through the door and jumped up on Eren, barking. "Hey, Robbie! Hey, boy! Who's a good boy? Who's good, huh? Sit!"

Robbie sat, though he didn't quit barking. Eren produced an iced oatmeal cookie from his sweatshirt pocket, and Robbie snatched it up and swallowed the cookie whole.

"Thanks for agreeing to watch Robbie and Levi Junior!" Hanji gushed to Eren.

"He is watching Levi Junior?" Levi was incredulous.

"Oh, not just Eren." For the first time, Levi looked beyond Jeager's stupid head to notice his sister and his groupie, Mikasa and Armin.

"Hanji..." Levi's tone was cold. "What in the actual fuck."

"They're house-and-pet-sitting!" Hanji chirped unhelpfully.

"Seven forty!" Erwin called from somewhere. "Hanji, get dressed! We're leaving in T-minus five minutes!"

"Tch." Levi turned and left the three kids standing in the doorway. Eren took this to mean, "Yes, you may enter my house and touch my things," which he immediately proceeded to do.

The house was a frenzy of activity as everyone tried to prepare to leave. Erwin, of course, was already packed and had Hanji's van started. Petra filled a cooler with ice and every beverage in the fridge. Hanji shrieked, "I DON'T HAVE ANY CLEAN UNDERWEAR!"

Levi tried his best to ignore the insanity around him, packing his laptop, charger, notebook, cell phone, and house keys into his backpack. He stood, surveying his room, wondering if there was anything else he should bring. Levi went back into the kitchen and took Hanji's phone from on top of the coffeemaker (she would invariably forget it) and packed that as well.

There was a flash of bright light, and Levi was suddenly blinded. When he regained his sight, Petra smiled from behind her enormous expensive camera. "All packed and ready to go?" she smiled.

Levi scowled. "I suppose so. I'd rather go with the Looney Tunes than be stuck with Jeager & Co."

"Come on, then, help me load the cooler." Petra dragged Levi out of his room. "Everyone else is already in the van."

"I am not sitting next to Mike."

* * *

At seven forty-six, Levi was strapped into Hanji's full-size van next to Mike, who was between Levi and Gunther. They were sitting behind Hanji, who was driving because it was her van, and Erwin, who had called shotgun. Petra sat in the very last row, squeezed between Auruo and Eld.

"Bye, kids!" Hanji called out the window to Eren, Mikasa, and Armin as they pulled out of the driveway. "No hardcore drugs!"

They hadn't gone a block before Hanji and Erwin were at each other's throats about directions.

"Why are you going north? Dayton is SOUTH of here!"

"Gas is cheaper in Liberty, and then we can take 1-90!"

"That's stupid, Hanji!"

"YOU'RE stupid, Erwin! I've been to Ohio more times than you can count!"

Levi prepared himself for a very long ride.


End file.
